I don't feel like living vicariously through you when you're being mediocre, Brad!

I don't know if I should say "It always surprises me when..." because it doesn't always do so, nor is it actually a surprise, more a repetition of realizations that I somehow forget occasionally. My eipiphany in perpetuity related to the life I would be living were I some one else.

I'm sure everyone lives vicariously through someone or something else to some extent. Nearly everyone1 would rather be doing something else, and I'm one of everyone. I don't want to say that I'm aching with disatisfaction over my unfulfilling life, nor am I secretly living another life, but I do feel that some of my principle urges & desires are unfulfilled. And what better way to fulfil my own desires than to watch others do what I'd rather do? Yay for Tv!

Last Tuesday night had a couple of examples of my alternate life. While trying to get my daughter ready for a brief post-feeding walk, I happened to have the TV on when the American Country Music awards came on. Being not totally opposed to all forms of country, and seeing one of my favorite performers, Brad Paisley, at the opening of the program, I watched. Despite his out-of-breath, out-of-tune vocal performance2, and a guitar tone that sounded like it was played in a cardboard box, I still look at that guy with envy. He loves what he does. He gets to play guitar, write songs & sing for a living! I listen to his music & I sense such an earnest joy that pops right out, and I cringe when I think of how fulfilling my job is compared to such a task. When I hear Brad Paisley sing, I think "at least he's doing what he enjoys."

Also on TV last night was Deadliest Catch, another universe that I experience through the lives of other people. The appeal to this show is obvious to me: thousands upon thousands of guys (and probably some girls too) would rather be doing something more exciting & dangerous than whatever they currently do. One would expect a bit more swagger from these guys, knowing that they work what is generally regarded as the world's most dangerous job. I look upon these guys with envy, though not the same way I look at Brad Paisley. I appreciate that my telecomm company cubicle jockey job pays my bills, but it contains huge amounts of negative adventure. I almost feel like plotting an elaborate theft from this building, just to make it more exciting.

There are days when I feel that even Marten Reed3 has a more exciting life than me. Well, he does, but it's not necessarily the life I would prefer to have. The grass, as they say, is always greener.

Living vicariously though others can only go so far, though. Because there's times when I'm so busy being myself that I come up with things to do for myself that go far beyond the heights of those that watch on tv (or the internet). I'm aware that when I involve myself too deeply in the lives of others, I limit my own ability to become someone more than myself. I can't spend too much time idolizing or imitaing, or I'll never become a better me.

Plus, it's hard to want to be someone who's singing like he's trying to run a marathon.


1 - When I say everyone, it should be inferred that I refer to the West in general rather than humanity as a whole, North America - primarily the U.S. - in specific.

2 - One would think that it's not a good idea to run & sing & play guitar at the same time, but oh well. Paisley on an off night still sings better than I ever will.

3 - Hmm, that's 2 QC references in a row. I almost feel like I shouldn't link to it, since so many of the people that I know just won't get it. Once need be familiar with lots of computer junk, as well as obscure music which falls under the genre commonly referred to as "alternative" or "indie" rock. At the same time, it's just so damn funny & quite touching sometimes.